As Asian Heritage Month continues, so do our interviews with Vic staff! We [Aseel and Emma, grade 11] had the opportunity to chat with Ms. Sprake, who told a story of survival, fitting in, resilience and eventually celebrating yourself. The big takeaway from the interview - do not deny your heritage or culture, it needs to be celebrated!

What is the story of your heritage?

I was born in Vietnam. When I was 2 months old, my family needed to flee as we did not have the same political views as the government. We fled by boat and spent 2 weeks on the ocean. We landed in a refugee camp in Hong Kong and stayed there for 9 months. After that, we were sponsored to Canada by a church in Stony Plain. When we came to Canada during a very cold February, the church helped us with housing and finding support. We eventually ended up in Edmonton.

A photo of Mrs. Sprake and her family in a refugee camp in Hong Kong in the 80’s. Mrs. Sprake is the baby.

There is a lot of history in my family – how we fled Vietnam took 3 attempts. The first time, those who were supposed to help us stole our money. The second time, my father was arrested and landed in jail and my mom worked hard to get him out. The third time, we left in the middle of the night, telling no one, not even family. Then, we spent 2 weeks on the ocean in a boat. I was 10 months old. There was a lot of suffering [and] sickness. The people on the boat relied heavily on one another for support [and] survival. It was an extremely dire situation. We had even encountered another boat that was from southern Vietnam that had experienced violence [and] death on that boat as they had run out of food.

Once in the refugee camp, my parents would leave the camp [by hopping the fence] to find work or get money for basic needs. They would rely on others, often strangers, to help take care of us. There was also violence in the camp. There were even times when, as a baby, I wound up in the hospital or was subject to violence from other children in the care of other [non-family members]. There were lots of struggles to leave Vietnam and start a new life in Canada. As a family, we have been through a lot.

The early days in Edmonton were challenging. Our family of 5 lived with 3 families in a one bedroom apartment. My parents had multiple jobs [like] dishwashers, cleaning businesses/office buildings in the evening[that] I would help them [with]. They were always working, so there were not a lot of opportunities to spend time with our parents. Now, when we have a big family dinner, my mom overfeeds us and cooks enough to feed a huge group (pre-COVID of course!). She says they left Vietnam because they feared for their lives and she thought that if they stayed, my brother and dad would be drafted into the war. If that happened, they wouldn’t have enough money to feed us and we would starve to death. She piles on the food because that is symbolic and her way of giving from the heart.

My parents don’t talk about it much and I don’t remember much because I was so young. However, my husband, who is white, is very interested in our family’s history and thinks we should write a book. A lot of these stories that my parents have told, haven’t actually been shared with my siblings until we were grown up. My parents do not want to live in the past or revisit it. My parents lived through war. They fled their country. They didn’t have a home. For them, there is no need to dwell in the past. Now, there are no worries about food insecurity or war. In their grand scheme of things, COVID is nothing – so you have to stay home, big deal!

Vietnam is located in southeastern Asia. It borders the South China Sea to the east and Laos and Cambodia to the west.

I have been back to Vietnam three times. The first time, I was 17 and met my extended family. It was almost an out of body experience, knowing you have a connection but never had met them. Now, social media helps to connect with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. With COVID, I’m not sure when the next trip will be.

Did you feel a connection to your culture when you were growing up?

I grew up with two siblings however, I know the most Vietnamese. Growing up, I didn’t hold onto my culture very well as I really wanted to fit in. Fitting in means denying who you are. When I was very young, we lived near Vic, near where the Servus Credit Union is. There were many other Asians there who were refugees from Vietnam, Cambodia, and Laos around this neighborhood. There were a lot of people who looked like me. Then we moved to a neighborhood in the west end, where I was the only Asian in my elementary school for years. Part of that, I needed an English name to fit. My legal name was Hang Nguyen. It was a family discussion to pick an English name – the story went something like this:

Parents: Kids, pick an English name.

Me: I don’t know what to pick. I’ll have what my sister’s having.

Parents: That’s not how it works.

So, my dad picked my name and my mom spelled it wrong: Clair. My name is not my name. Actually, my birthday is not my birthday, either. I found that out when I was 15. How traumatizing when you’re 15, to find out that the day you celebrate is not actually your birthday! Then, as an adult you realize more the reality – we were on a boat for two weeks, surrounded by violence and death, so when we arrived at the refugee camp my mom wrote down the wrong date. It’s really not a big deal retrospectively.

From a cultural perspective, can you comment on raising biracial children?

Mrs. Sprake and her husband, Darrin, with their two sons Lincoln and Ryan.

My children look like me, not my husband who is white. My husband has commented that there are times when the children are acting up in public, he worries that it may appear that he has taken them from someone. Or, he has received comments like, “whose kids are those?” He is concerned that he won’t understand their struggles. I don’t struggle with it, but, I do worry about their identity as being of mixed race. Will they ever feel like they belong? Will they feel like they connect more with their Vietnamese heritage as they look more Vietnamese? Or, will they be able to connect with my husband’s side? I hope they do not struggle with that.

As an aside, when Crazy Rich Asians came out, there was ‘controversy’ around some of the actors not being 100% Asian and were of mixed race. Were they saying actors of mixed race cannot be in a movie about Asians? If not, then what are they? Can they only be considered for westernized movies? I hope my children don’t have to deal with that. Comments like, “you’re really not full, you’re only half.” I hope they don’t, but they probably will. In our biracial family we are committed to learning and doing more about anti-racism.

Do you feel it’s important to celebrate your culture?

I wish I could go back and embrace my cultural heritage more. I need my children to value who they are, where they come from, so they never feel like they are the “other” person. We need to make intentional efforts to celebrate who we are.

You mentioned that you didn’t embrace your culture at a younger age. As an adult do you want to grasp onto it more?

Growing up, I really tried to assimilate – I had an English name, I fought about food with my family. We took for lunch whatever was left over from dinner, and I got made fun of for that. I told my mom I could not go to school with rice. So my mom came home with white bread and processed cheese and that is what I had for many years, so I could fit in. Today I hate sandwiches. I realize I was denying who I was! Now, when I bring food that my mom made to work, people always love it. My mom is such a great cook. What a brat I was! I didn’t like my name, I didn’t like the food – I wanted to be someone else. Our society is so different now – we embrace differences and are more accepting. It wasn’t like that when I was young. I look back and think I could have done better. I could have held onto my culture/heritage more.

I can speak and read basic Vietnamese. My parents read to my kids in Vietnamese. I give them commands in Vietnamese, but it is difficult as they are not immersed in the language. I want them to celebrate who they are. I’m jealous of my fully fluent cousins who embraced it and I didn’t. It wasn’t until I was in grade 6 when there were other Asians in the school (I needed to translate for the new kids who didn’t speak English). In junior high and senior high there were more Asians so it was easier to embrace. I think I had the most appreciation for my parents when my own children were born. I really understood my parents’ sacrifice – they fled a country and risked their lives in order to come here and they did it for us.

Now I’m responsible for two young lives and that has given me the greatest appreciation for my parents and now I understand. Diving deep into whoever your family is, whatever your culture is, is important to understand where you come from. How much do you know about your family’s journey? If you have access to your ancestors, you need to tap into it. That’s how you learn about who you are, where you come from and the person that you are and wherever your family journey has taken you. If the stories don’t live on, they eventually disappear.

What is your favourite thing about being Vietnamese?

The food is dope! I love the sense of community. In the Vietnamese community your family is more than your blood relatives. I grew up with many “uncles”, “aunts”, and “cousins” that weren’t actual relatives. We all support each other through whatever obstacles and challenges we face and we also celebrate the successes. That is one of the best things about being Vietnamese, besides the food of course!

Is there anything you want to share about your heritage that is important?

Representation matters. Growing up, I didn’t see a lot of myself in the world around me. I’m glad I see it more now, but we need to do better. This is especially true for women of colour in leadership roles. We do not see this very often. I hope that students of colour know they can aspire to have those same goals, see themselves reflected in society, and contribute to society in the same way. As a teacher, a curriculum coordinator, and being in a leadership role, I hope I can role model this for others.

I’m really proud that we have great allies in our school for teachers. High school English teachers are seeking out texts that are from different perspectives, different authors. It’s very important. Not only seeing people around you who are different, but also immersing yourself in literature. Consider this - the curriculum around you has really been supported by European ethnocentric thinking. As a school, we are thinking about how to have more diverse resources and integrate them with the curriculum. That being said, sometimes you just need to learn what is being presented because it’s important (like the Renaissance, for example), but there are other times when it’s important to advocate for diversity.

While it’s important to have months that honour different cultures, we need to do this all the time. Even as minorities, we don’t always realize the possibilities or notice we haven’t been included until we see ourselves represented. Often, those who are not a minority don’t understand this. When Asians are included, it is usually as the model minority (good at math, nerdy, etc.) and we need to work to address this. This is for all minorities. For example, when Black Panther came out, it also broke stereotypes and provided positive representations. Minorities are more than the stereotypes. How can we be intentional in what we do to ensure representation? It’s not about excluding the voices of others, it is about including where we can. It’s important to not deny your heritage or culture – it needs to be celebrated and not overlooked. See the colour! Do more, ask more, learn more about each other! Our student population can be great advocates.