Welcome folks, to what I am sure each of you loyal Victoria Voice readers have been anxiously waiting for all year: bad Christmas movie season. For the last time, I, your fearless and determined co-editor (Grace Tunski) have braved the endless storm of terrible holiday films to bring you the best of the best of the worst. Please, grab some hot chocolate, get in your pyjamas, and brace yourself for my roundup of awful Christmas movies.

4) A Very Country Christmas

The country singer teaches the interior designer the only chord he knows. This scene is actually very long.
Source: Netflix

Let's be clear: this movie is, at best, a sort of country Christmas. Besides the Dolly Parton wannabes and the few acoustic guitars strewn about the set, this movie really falls short of its title. The film follows a single mom who is too busy interior designing to be up to date with anything as she struggles to balance her feelings for a big time country star and her family. The country star (played by Greyston Holt, who looks exactly how you think he does) has returned to town to escape the spotlight, and falls in love with Interior Design Mom. Most of the movie is just the country singer spending ridiculous amounts of money and playing 5 chords on the guitar (5 is a generous overestimate). Overall, this movie wasn’t super awful, but I certainly wouldn’t willingly watch it again.

3) Christmas With a Prince

There’s no way the prince needed to stay in the hospital and be wheeled around the whole time, right?
Source: Netflix

What is up with the royalty angle in so many Christmas movies? After a quick search on Netflix, I counted 15 movies in the royalty Christmas subgenre. 15. There’s no way rich white men with little crowns are that enthralling. Yet here we are. Christmas With a Prince is about a very busy paediatrician who nurses a prince with a broken leg back to health (and teaches him not to be an awful person) with the help of 10 or so children with cancer. Why not, I guess. Naturally, the prince has to use his crutches shirtless and for some reason stay in the hospital for weeks for his broken leg. The only bright spot about this movie was that it refreshingly features a woman of colour as a lead rather than a funny best friend. This bright spot is greatly reduced by the fact that the lead has more romantic chemistry with her own brother than her love interest.

2) Christmas Catch

This room has four Christmas trees in it for some reason. Pictured here is Mack, in the throes of a painfully long and poorly written scene.
Source: The Cinemaholic

Christmas Catch follows part time cop, full time nepotism baby Mack, an undercover police officer who is working to find a diamond thief that has just moved back into her hometown. At the request of her mother (who is the police captain) and an FBI agent, she must go on a series of holiday dates with the suspected thief. I’m no police officer, but I’m pretty sure most of what happens in this movie would classify as police misconduct. At the very least, after watching 1.5 hours of fake dates, uncomfortable stakeouts, and a fight over the smallest diamond I have ever seen, Christmas Catch might be able to convince your family that police reform is a good thing. I suppose that’s a plus.

1) A Wrestling Christmas Miracle

On the right is the main character, the left is his best friend’s mom, and in the middle is his best friend and the best actor in the whole movie. Yes, he is in a coma the whole time.
Source IMDB

This is it. My swan song. I can happily graduate knowing I’ve used my last year as editor to share this cinematic masterpiece with the world. A Wrestling Christmas Miracle is a convoluted and disorienting flurry of awful. It follows an 11 year old who gives up his early career in wrestling to make a movie so funny that it will wake his best friend up from a coma. After completing filming, however, his movie is stolen, and just as his dad leaves for the Congo to wrestle an elephant. Crazy timing. While the boy, his mother, and his very creepy uncle go on a journey to retrieve his movie, the story takes an incredible turn that I am still reeling from: his father wrestles the communist dictator of the Congo, liberating the Congolese people. Of course, with a little Christmas magic and terrible editing, it all works out for this wrestling-loving family. Yeah. I don’t get it either. The plot is hard enough to follow as is, but paired with the nonsensical writing and random scenes from the kid’s movie interspersed throughout the real film, A Wrestling Christmas Miracle is very nearly unwatchable. That’s what makes it perfect. I strongly recommend that you enjoy this film with your friends this holiday season.

This article is just for fun, I mean no disrespect if these are your favourite holiday films. Have a safe and restful break, and make sure to enjoy some of these excellent movies!